Voluntary Limits

I’m in the midst of conquering the chaos that crept in on me with the last final exam that I had this academic year. Too many possibilities, too much decisions to make. The list with my plans became so overwhelmingly huge, that no matter how productive I am during the day, it’s still not enough. There is still even more things to learn. Sounds familiar? Ugh, I hate it.

I am kind of managing the situation. I learn things, build my habits, keep my streaks and make progress. But it’s not sustainable.

That is where the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown came in handy. This remarkable title requires a whole separate blog post as soon as I’m done reading it.

While diving into the novel, yet old idea of separating the crucial few from the trivial many, something struck me in the chapter titled "Limit". But it still wasn't a revolution. It was just some new idea that started wandering around my brain, from one region to another. It was like an unknown seed, that needed my attention to fully manifest itself.

Subtitle "The freedom of Setting Boundaries" conveys the main message behind it. In other words - limiting yourself will set you free. Restraining your possibilities will actually enable you to do what matters the most.

In ancient times power meant having access to data. Today having power means knowing what to ignore -- Yuval Noah Harari in a book "Homo Deus"

Reading the chapter got me thinking, but then YouTube recommended me the video Why are you Uncertain, Unfocused and Anxious? What should we do about it? by What I’ve learned.

This video got me amazed, starting a revolution in my head. I connected some distant thoughts and the seed, that I mentioned earlier, turned into a blossoming plant. Can’t wait for the fruits to show up.

The single most important thing that I remembered was the anxiety and helplessness we feel when we face too many options. It’s so hard to make the choice, that we don’t make one.

When having 6 jams to choose from, 30% of customers made a purchase. When having 24 jams to choose from, only 3% of customers made a purchase.

What?!

This is a huge difference. HUUGE. HUUUUGEE. Abundance of choices is paralyzing.

Think about it for a second, as we’re not talking about jams here (I like jams, though). Doesn’t this ring a bell when you read about my struggle with having too many possible things to learn?

Limiting yourself, enables you to focus on what matters.

This is why digital minimalism works. This is why daily schedules work. This is why deep work works. This is why Parkinson’s law works. This is why Pomodoro Technique and setting timers work. This is why everything works.

Deliberately choosing to set your boundaries and thus, limiting your options, is what makes a difference between anxiety and happiness. It takes less mental effort to get the right things done when you just don’t have the possibility of using social media or playing video games. During a specific period of time, of course. Let's keep it doable.

Now I remembered one more video from What I’ve Learned: Willpower is for Losers. Wow, while writing this post I’m connecting even more dots.

It’s for the those of you that would like to explore the topic even more

You can even take the idea to your personal life, as the first video suggests. Yes, people are absolutely fantastic and we want to have as many friends as possible, but that seems to be not the way to the true happiness. Remember that contacts does not equal friends. You can never have too many contacts, but having too many friends becomes quickly overwhelming. At least, you should prioritize who matters for you and take them into account while planning your future. That will limit your possibilities, but that doesn’t limit you.

Now I thought of my struggle to keep more and more friendships. Not only was it demanding, but also I had too little time for my work. As a result I was dissatisfied both with my work and how my friendships are going. Prioritize, eliminate. It works.

In my case, I know what my close friend is interested in, so I plan my future projects in a way that we can do them together. To be specific, we both want to learn how to use Altium Designer as a good software for engineers to know to design our own Printed Circuit Boards. I will do it only because my friend suggested it. Technically, now I will have less free time and less space for other activities. I will be limited; But actually, it will give me more possibilities in the future (from which I’ll choose my priorities). That is what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

This is the power of commitment. You consciously and willingly pick one option, which frees your mind from all the other ones. And the things get done.

So what have I done so far, for the past 2 days?

Although I don’t use social media other than Discord, I limited my time spend there to just the evenings. Everything that grabs my attention during my worktime is a good candidate for elimination. Actually I’m writing this post on my first day without Discord. Friends are sending me memes, messaging me, I’m waiting for a response from someone. I don’t care. I will check the memes after I’m done with my workday. Besides, these are a good ones for sure. I still don’t care.

For almost 2 years I have my daily schedule and I want to stick to it, since it clearly sets my boundaries for every activity.

I also did a slightly inhuman thing and prioritized all of my significant relationships into 4 categories:

1. One top priority
2. People to always seek contact with, that are already close
3. Potential great and fruitful future relationships
4. People that I know and like, but with whom I probably shouldn’t actively seek contact. They might have potential, but I cannot focus on too many things. Priorities are priorities.

So, as you might expect, the fourth category is the biggest one. The first three categories include maximally 5 people. And it helps. Now I know where I stand and what to do next.

Moreover, I’m in the process of prioritizing my daily activities and what I will be learning next. It’s not so easy, but I will manage it pretty soon. Expect some updates on that.

The feeling of clarity of mind when you know what to do, is what I love. It helps me and my wandering mind to split my whole reality into digestible chunks. If you think it can help you as well - try it out.