Starting 21st year

Few days ago, on 17th August I had my 20th birthday. What a milestone. Sounds like a time for a little retrospection and writing down my goals for the future.

My past wasn't too great overall. Not many reasons to be happy, just an everyday struggle. Fortunately, my life has changed a lot, since I turned 19. The 20th year of my life has been a breakthrough. I left my stressful high school behind, moving to the new environment of university.

As fate would have it, my first year of university has been strictly remote. It's way more comfortable for me that way, but also not ideal because it's usually hard for me to make meaningful friendships. After a whole year, I have a couple of people that I like, but no deeper connection with any of my classmates whatsoever. For that reason, my first semester was pretty lonely. I was getting good grades, I was passing all the subjects without a great effort. Still, something was missing.

Most of my time and mental effort I spent on applying to schools in USA. I had to take a few important tests, I was contacting my teachers to get letters of recommendation. It was honestly, without an exaggeration, a disaster. It took me months, around 10 meetings and even more emails with my head teacher to get it done. It was because she doesn't know English that well and she's not a tech-savvy, let's say. Also her approach of "You're not even a student of this school anymore, why are you taking my time?" didn't help much.

So, during my first semester I was completely preoccupied with these applications, working on my portfolios, documents and essays. It was my most important project of that time, so I haven't done much other things. I was also not risking anything, except the wasted time, because I was already studying. Everything was good no matter what happens. I just had to try, as I hate "what ifs". My chances were not too great, but what if I'd get accepted, only If I tried. Spoiler alert: I didn't get admitted. Nowhere. That's fine. Failure is one of our most loyal friends, especially for the Inexperienced people like Me.

And now we get to the winter break, that lasted almost the whole February. I finally had some free time, applications have been submitted... What now?

By a total coincidence I joined a server on Discord called "Study Together", which sounded like a great fit for me. And it sure was.

The very first day of studying there, I met people that are my friends till this day. Over all these months we made a cozy study group, which has been my best experience in years. I just wanted to study, but I got friends that helped me a lot during past 6 months.

For someone with social anxiety disorder, this group has been truly a blessing. I started talking to people every day, I polished up my speaking skills and overall I'm in much better shape. I'm also more productive, I gained some self-confidence to go on a few in-real-life meetings with different people and so on and so on. I don't have to write more details, as it would turn into an effusive contest. All I'm saying is that this study group gets my reward of my 20th year of life, as the most positively influential thing that happened to me.

I should also mention that the group consists of people from all around Europe and I met 3 group members quite recently. Certainly, I didn't expect any of this happening.

And that's pretty much all that happened, as talking about my university work is not even interesting. I barely learnt anything while getting top grades. I'm disappointed. I gotta focus on my hobbies and care only about passing from class to class.

By now, you know my current situation. I'm better than ever (on average), so I'd like it to stay that way. Still, a lot of things are not they way they're supposed to be. However, enumerating all of my problems, worries and complains doesn't really appeal to me. Let's focus on what I will be able to change this year. Priorities, hell yeah.

STEM fields

First, I want to get my first job/internship in a technical field. I know that I have the technical skills to get it, so I need to just keep trying. The most important benefit is that a job will teach me way more useful skills than university. That's what matters. I don't need money, I need to invest in myself.

Besides getting the job, I'd just like to work a lot on all a bunch of technical fields. Designing my first PCB boards, learning .NET, finishing the 6 course Python Automation certificate, getting proficient in FPGAs are just the mid term goals. And who knows what I will start doing next? Cybersecurity? Hmm. This year belongs to the STEM fields. I'll be showing my work for sure.

Friendships

One of my friends reached out to me and shared a fascination with her parents' 30 year long friendships. It sounds like relationships to strive for. A near-ideal. I want them.

The problem is that I haven't find my place yet, my community. It's not so easy to pinpoint a solid candidate for my lifelong friend.

Unfortunately, What past few months have taught me is that I need people. As an extreme introvert, I need people. I'm not sure what happened with me. I can live alone, I am completely fine. But the alternative, of having someone to care about you, inspire you, help you and simply spend some time with you, is just too good. Absurdly good. It took me almost 20 years to understand that. A world record? ;)

The conclusion is simple. This year I'm on a quest to find my people. Wish me luck. Or just reach out to me, wink wink.

Inexperienced Me

Interestingly enough, developing the "brand" of Inexperienced Me will help me with all of the priorities, so it becomes a priority itself. I'd like to become a better writer, start creating videos and maybe other things. Nobody know what this might evolve into, so I should just keep going. I'm enjoying the journey, so I am willing to share my thoughts even with just myself. It's almost like no one can discourage me at this point. Hopefully, I will still be writing new blog posts when I hit 21 years of age. And more.

Of course I there is many more goals, but priorities are what matters. I'd like to be a truly versatile person, an erudite. But I cannot do everything simultaneously. STEM fields and more friendships seem like a great next step on my journey of getting closer to my unachievable, ideal life.